12 First date stories so bad you won't know whether to laugh or cry 12 First date stories so bad you won't know whether to laugh or cry

Stories of online dating gone bad, content policy

To be cute, I think. He lived a couple of states away so I really was Willa's one and only shot at making it home.

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As a result, I started having more dates than free evenings. So he says he's going to get a coffee.

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We'll—" "Who the fuck do you think you are? When I smoothly begged off, claiming a study group meeting, she just looked at me blankly--then, I thought, a little menacingly. The word "prostitution" comes to mind Image: When I did, Willa opened her door, grabbed her bag, and took off down the sidewalk.

Who the fuck do you think you are, you piece of fucking shit?

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Indeed, in her mind, I and I alone was apparently to blame for the day's unfortunate festivities. I pulled into the parking lot. Fucking piece of shit asshole. Stop putting "sassy" into your screen name. Happy Valentine's Day, everybody.

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And then, and I can barely type this, I actually put my hand in my armpit, pulled it out, and sniffed it. When the light turned green I pulled over in the first parking spot I found, turned the car off, and searched for her up and down the street.

Bring me to a gas station, goddamn it. Of course he did!

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He was still taller than me by a few inches, but just less tall. Of course Jared fucking called you!

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But the opposite is often the case. I didn't find her so I hopped back in my car and called her phone.

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First of all, your screen name. Does your worst date compare to any of these nightmares?

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If you're actually interested, you can keep up with my zany adventures at jaredmgordon.